Finding My Love of Books Again
I had lost my love of books as my life took over in my 30’s. It was a time for me that was filled with anxiety about lots of things … including a huge chunk of nervous energy dedicated to parenting and keeping children alive.
I had a baby that didn’t make it into this world. He was the pioneer, the brave soul that helped me understand what was going on with my body during pregnancy and who paved the way for the three beautiful amazing children that run my life right now. But because of that loss, my first few years pregnant and as a parent were filled with worry and what ifs … I didn’t really have time to enjoy a book or get lost in a world other than my own.
Even in the quiet moments of early morning nursing, I found myself preoccupied with the baby in my arms.
Just as an aside … my firstborn daughter, was a NICU baby, (born early due to placenta previa complications) so I spent my first 2 weeks as a first time parent in the NICU with the NICU nurses, who worked hard to keep my child healthy, but who also spent a lot of time causing me to question my own parenting skills. They second-guessed my instincts and took over even the smallest tasks instead of helping me feel confident as a parent to my child. I’m sure this didn’t help any of my anxiety!
~I certainly appreciate all the nurses who kept my baby healthy, but I just wish there was a little more effort in allowing my mothering instincts to play a role.
It was through most of my 30’s that I didn’t even pick up a single book – except, of course, an Alice Hoffman novel if one happened to be being released. I had toddlers turning into little kids turning into creative whirlwinds at my feet.
I did read a TON of children’s books and audiobooks were a regular in our car, so I wasn’t completely missing out, and in a way, I was being re-introduced to the most beautiful genre of children’s books … but it was the awesomeness of reading to myself, in the quiet, getting lost in another world that evaded me.
It wasn’t until we went on a vacation to Ocean City, Maryland. My oldest had to be 5 or 6. I bought a copy of the Hunger Games, and I finally found some time to sit down and free myself from everything concrete in this world.
Apparently, I opened up the floodgates because I’ve plowed through many books and series since then …
I only hope my kids one day love to read books as much as I do!